His mosaic

it's early this morning, as sleep has eluded me after a dream.

i'm not much into dream interpretation, but i wonder sometimes, that i may be more concerned for the future than i should be. when life seems so uncertain. . .our economy, rogue nations with nuclear capabilities, flu epidemics, business uncertainties, college loans, friends with sick children, hunger in the world. . . and on and on it goes.

i awoke with my heart pounding and i layed there for awhile trying to sort out my heart.

i was reminded about worry (and really, i'm not worried, but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't concerned) and what God has to say about that. look at the lilies of the field. look how beautiful they are. if God is going to make them so beautiful and care for them, won't he do so much more for you? (i'm paraphrasing here, so bear with me)

what about if your child has a rare genetic condition and his skin is riddled with blisters and sores and the skin just falls off? or if your child has had an accident and lies in a hospital bed unresponsive and on a respirator? what about those little lilies in the field?

it's so hard to wrap my simple little finite brain around the utter vastness of our Lord.

His ways are so not my ways. . . and i don't question His ways for a moment. i only struggle with my processing abilities.

in a world that seems more upside-down than right-side up, i tried to find a word picture that i could understand.

i thought of mosaic.

tiny pieces of something that was once whole, but now arranged into something new. . . and beautiful. and if i look at that one piece of broken something, i might spend too much time mourning what once was. . . over the beauty lost. the functionality of that something lost.

it's a reminder to focus on the bigger picture. on being repurposed. of new beauty out of brokenness. on the potter's hand who continues to mold and create.

as you can tell, i'm still processing the visions my Father has given me, and if it's nothing more than a reminder to look to Him for meaning, for purpose, for encouragement, for strength. . . then i think He has given me more than i could have hoped for at five am this morning.

because i awoke with a spirit of fear and worry, and he's given me a glimpse of His glory.

freedom to be

so today, the hubster and i decided to take a day on our vacation and just be. is it okay, when you've traveled hours and hours to spend the day inside when the weather is glorious to catch up on rest. . . on work (yes, i know, we are on vacation, but when you own your own business, sadly work is never far away) . . . on editing photos and posting them on facebook?

i hope it's okay, because we just did.

i don't want it to feel like we frittered away a day in paradise, but isn't paradise wherever you are when you're at peace and just being??

i sure hope so, because that is exactly what we're doing.

being.

ahhhhhh.

surfing in rough waters

we have some dear friends whose son was involved in a serious car wreck ten days ago. after graduating from coast card basic training, he and a buddy were headed from key west to tennessee to enjoy a little much-earned r&r. during a rainstorm, the truck they were driving hydroplaned and they ended up crossing the median and slamming into a car going the opposite direction. our friend's son suffered a significant head trauma in addition to fracturing his femur, which was surgically repaired a few days after the accident. his buddy had non-life threatening injuries, and sadly, the dad in the car they hit was killed.

unfortunately, our friend's son hasn't regained consciousness, and they are at his bedside, 400 miles from home.

my heart breaks for this agonizing time of waiting and watching. the unknowns outweigh the knowns at this point, and they are left clinging to the God they know who holds their son's life in His very capable hands. their faith in Jesus has never wavered, and the body of Christ is ministering greatly through his caringbridge site.

the hubster and i were at the beach earlier today, and we stood watching some young men waiting in the ocean, looking for that perfect wave. i couldn't help but think of our friends. . . as they are in deep waters. the waves crashing overhead, being tossed about. . . i can't imagine these uncertain waters, but i am certain that they are clinging to their rock of salvation, jehovah. without Him, they would be lost, and it's been so sweet to see the body ministering to them, even from so far away.

if you think of it, please stop by and leave an encouraging note.

25 firsts continued. . .

2. Do you still talk to your first love? nope. that would be super awkward and i've grown so much since that time that i wouldn't want to take that many steps in the other direction. it's better left buried.

3. What was your first alcoholic drink? my dad let us take sips from his beer when we were really little. we'd sit with him on the basement staircase where he'd often pop open a long neck. sometimes the beer would froth up over the top of the bottle and dad would let us have the bubbles. it was pretty harmless. . . not something i would ever do with my own kids. but a sweet memory, nonetheless.

4. What was your first job? i worked for a women's clothing company in the mall, paul harris. i developed a need to straighten clothing at other stores when i was shopping. i was sixteen and never agressive enough to "sell." i never made my quota. who gives quotas to 16 year olds?

5. What was your first car? i came home for my first summer after leaving home for college. i bought my sister's boyfriend's fiat station wagon for $1500. it was a straight shift without an emergency break. i used to freak out trying to get back into first gear at stop lights. especially the ones on hills. not a big deal in wisconsin, where i bought it. seriously challenging in knoxville, where i went to school.

6. Who was the first person to text you today? niecey. she texted me to compliment me on my smoothie making skills. she has to be at work at 8 or to school at 7:30 so i try to make her a little healthy start to her day. what can i say? mom-skills are hard to let go. . .

7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning? the hubster. he has a morning meeting on fridays at 6:30 and crawled out of bed at 5:59. pretty late for him. . .

8. Who was your first grade teacher? miss phimister. she was really tall and had these adorably crooked front teeth. i guess i've always been a teeth person!

9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane? we moved from wisconsin to boston when i was 13. we flew home for my cousin's wedding less than a year after we moved. it was pretty awesome!

10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk? the only friend i still really keep in touch with is libby, my best friend from high school (the one who went to prom with the guy i was "talking to" and pretty much had a huge crush on) even though we were super competitive with each other. we don't talk much, or really email that much, but i still keep in touch with her, her sister and her mom. moving around a lot can take a real toll on deep friendships.

11. Where was your first sleepover? i never was big on sleep overs. i never got enough sleep and that would make me feel sick. but i did sleep over at my friend beth's house when we were little girls. her dad worked at a paper factory and i remember she always had these really neat pads of paper and we'd play school for hours. they also were the only family who had the real cool shag carpet in their living room. . . complete with a rake. they were ulta-modern.

12. Who was the first person you talked to today? the hubster. even though he's up and out early, i always have coffee and a devotion with him in the morning.

13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time? i was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding. (we flew home for that one, too!) i was 17.

14. What was the first thing you did this morning? threw on a tshirt and some shorts and shared some coffee with the hubster.

15. What was the first concert you went to? styx. i saw them in boston when i was 16. i loved the concert so much i saw them two months later when they played in providence, ri.

16. First tattoo? i'll let you know when i get one.

17. First piercing? got my ears pierced when i was in the 7th grade. i thought i was the most daring kid in the world when i let my friend DOUBLE PIERCE my ears the next summer. quite scandalous in my mother's eyes.

18. First foreign country you went to? when you live in wisconsin, i think canada is just like upper michigan. . . not really a foreign country. but yeah, canada. my family will never let me forget i ordered spaghetti at an outdoor french cafe in quebec. hey. i was like 12. it's not my fault it was on the menu!!

19. First movie you remember seeing? the sound of music. it was amazing. i saw it with my mother.

20. What state did you first live in? wisconsin. brrrrr.

21. Who was your first room mate? susan smith. it was room mate pot luck. didn't care for that dish much. the housing folks could not have found two more opposite people on the planet. in my roommate's eyes, i had many faults. being a yankee was number one, and then the rest all fell in step. . . it was a pretty uncomfortable experience.

22. When was your first detention? never had one. i was a pleaser.

23. the list i stole this from didn't have a 23, so i guess i won't either!

24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance? wow. the list is kinda long. . . i'd love to learn to play the cello. i'd love to learn to speak chinese fluently. i'd love to learn how to be a better photographer and photo retoucher. but in the land of lessons never quite mastered, i wish i could learn to keep my mouth shut. to resist the urge to hear my own voice. to show what i know. gah. to be struck mute would be such a bonus for those around me! i wish i could learn to be humble. yep. i think that would be the best. i try, but left to my own devices, i'm just a me-girl. so i'll rest on the power of the Holy Spirit and ask that i be givin a measure of grace that i might learn to be a less me, more God kinda girl.

25. Who will be the next person to post this? oh gracious, i have no idea. . . the people who read this are usually writing about much more important things than themselves. . .i feel so self-absorbed writing this. i appreciate you reading!

25 Firsts

another shameless rip off from another blog. . . there's 25 of them but i got hung up on number one. stay tuned for the rest.

1. Who was your first prom date?
Todd King. omygracious it was such a disaster. i had just moved to milwaukee from boston, easter before my junior year. awful in itself. (the guy in boston i had been "talking to" for weeks elected to take my best friend to prom since i was moving away anyway and was a lousy investment. i ended up moving a week early to get outta dodge before that prom took place. it ended up being ugly foreshadowing)

with a week to relax before school resumed (what is relaxing about freaking out for an entire week thinking about starting a new school?), i met the guy down the street. he was tall and cute, and awkwardly asked me to the prom. . . he had a date but she bailed, he already had the tux, blah blah blah, you're new in town and i could take you and blah blah blah. i walked away from the encounter feeling pretty good. i just got a date and i hadn't even been in town for 72 hours. score!

that is until i went to school. apparently word can spread like wildfire through a school even without facebook. new girl in town was noteworthy enough, but new girl makes a date with the dateless wonder.

gulp. did i just commit social suicide?

egads.

fortunately most people gave me a pass because i just didn't know. . . todd was nice, but not wildly known for his engaging social skills {ie: none}. it had all the makings for a disaster. and it didn't disappoint.

prom came about four weeks later. about enough time for me to begin to have a "relationship" with a senior guy who had taken a liking to me. we kept things about as DL as we could to make it as un-awkward as possible. but with todd, un-awkward was next to impossible.

i got my dress at gunny sax, the uber cool prom dress name in its time. i fixed my hair, did the make up thing, and basically had my mom to help. no friends came over to get ready or whatever. . . life was slow to start in a new school. todd arrived. slightly soggy from dodging the torrents of rain. took the obligatory photos, mom cried. etc.

did i mention it was raining? spring monsoon. date with a basketball injury that now masquerades as a barometer. rain = pain. so no dancing.

oh, great. this night may be the longest of my life.

truer words never said (under my breath).

the tables next to the dance floor were nice. the chairs comfortable. the company. . . insipid and statuesque.

while most of the kids left the prom and headed to the lakefront to hang out until dawn and then went to breakfast as someone's home, i was home by 12:30.

i don't even think we shook hands.

i don't know what ever became of mr. king. . . he's probably an investment banker, wildly successful. . . who knows. . . i'm not who i was in high school (thank goodness!!) and he's probably much changed, too. 

have you got an awkward prom date in your past?

new biz

i did mention something the other day about getting a new business off the ground. not really ready to reveal it yet, as we are just in the beginning stages. i have a few friends and we are pooling our different talents and hope to have something up and running in a few weeks. part of it involves writing a blog, and since i'm the one obsessed with blogging, that job will fall to me.

i can tell you it involves canvas. . . glass. . . and textiles.

intruigued?

it is a bit frightening to be considering beginning something in this economic climate. and with the fact that the three of us already have jobs, it's going to be interesting to see how we all juggle marriage, family, work, God and new business {not necessarily in that order} wisely. striving to stay grounded in Jesus through all of this, realizing that without putting Him first, i am nothing but a clanging gong.

and we all know how ineffective that sound is!!

stay tuned. . .

i am ing-ing.

i saw this on a friend's blog and warned her i might steal this for a post. . . in the land of black mold and ripping up walls, i needed something else to focus on! ha!

Making : jewelry.
Cooking : i'm embarrassed to admit hamburger helper. but i did make an awesome ramen noodle coleslaw to go with it! **UPDATE** FORGOT ABOUT SAID SALAD. made an entirely different salad with tomatoes, hearts of palm and avacado. DUH!!
Drinking : while i should say water, i'll say diet coke. it is the truth after all!
Reading: sitting at the feet of rabbi jesus by spangler and tverberg and walking with god by john eldredge. i'm also filling in the deep stuff with a patricia cornwell novel, at risk. having a hard time liking it, but i'll not give up!
Wanting: an end to headaches. even though i've been a sufferer for 17 years, maybe getting rid of this black mold will help?
Looking: at all the dog toys my dog drags out every day. a ton.
Playing: trash talking fantasy football with my son. fun stuff!
Wasting: time writing my blog when i need to be outside cutting the grass.
Sewing: in between projects. just finished a tshirt quilt. not sure what my next project will be.
Enjoying: watching my children thrive in college and their relationships with God and others
Waiting: for this weekend to come. visiting the kiddies at their schools and then off to florida for a week!
Wondering: how i'm going to manage to get off of work on monday since i totally forgot to ask off!
Loving: where i'm at. it's wild, chaotic and expensive right now, but i feel like i'm exactly where God wants me.
Hoping: i can drop a few pounds and win a weight challenge with a friend in two weeks.
Marvelling: at my blessings. even in the midst of trials, i'm still incredibly blessed.
Smelling: ummm mildew?
Wearing: work out shorts and a tshirt. and my outside yard crocs. off to cut the grass!
Following: politics
Noticing: how biased main stream media is.
Knowing: that my redeemer lives.
Thinking: about all the stuff i need to do to get my new business off the ground!
Bookmarking: creative websites and blogs.
Opening: a new petro's in a month on the UT campus. this is excitement!
Giggling: over how niecey and i just had issues over who the cutest dogs are. (ours, duh! i didn't say smartest. i said cutest)
Feeling: kinda headachey, but glad to be living in the moment and excited about tomorrow. and the next day, and the next!