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Friday, October 23, 2009

heavy heart

it's been a while since i posted. or visited. i've been a little M.I.A. some really awesome things going on, then some not-so-awesome.
i was really hoping to come back and post some scrumdilliumptious photos of our new store that opened up on monday (i will do that, i promise) and i had a really promising meeting for the new business that is percolating with my partners. the rain has (somewhat) stopped, i think i lost 2 pounds, and i won a ridiculously amazing giveaway at mckmama. i mean could life get any better?
but then the unthinkable.
i got word that a friend found her son this week. hanging in his bedroom.
my little mind is reeling trying to think how tragic it would be to have that little video replaying in my mind for the rest of my life.
and it makes me want to gather my little chicks close to me and remind them how much i love them and that no matter what the problem is that we can work together and get through it.
both of my offspring are enmeshed in their first relationships. ever. and i hope that they won't have to have the kind of heartache my friend's son must have experienced to take his own life.
he knew Jesus (thank you, Lord), and he had a great relationship with his parents. but he let the enemy's whispers drown out rational thought.
a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
oh how this mother's heart grieves with my friend and her husband.
how this mother's heart aches for the young people affected. the brothers. the girlfriend who had just broken up with him. her friends. his friends. her parents. grandparents. the fallout from suicide is like a nuclear blast. the radiation stays in the soil. stays. in. the. soil.
this is where i have to really dig deep. and try to wrap my small mind around what to do.

give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

give thanks.
in all circumstances.
this is God's will.

He is already at work in this situation. thank you, Jesus.
the young man was a believer. thank you Jesus.
the parents are strong believers and have a vast network of believers supporting them. thank you Jesus!!
my children are healthy and loved. thank you thank you Jesus.
and the students left standing are noticing Him. thank you, Jesus.

give thanks.
in all circumstances.
this is God's will.

not that children commit suicide.
but that He is our comfort. our rock. our redeemer. our shelter in the storm.
that we recognize His provisions. that we still trust Him.

i have to ponder this in my very heavy heart.


  1. Wow, I am so sorry for your friend. What a horrible thing to have to go through.

  2. Oh I'm so, so sorry. I will pray for him and for his parents, the girlfriend, and just everyone touched by this. How truly, incomprehensibly tragic. I'm so sorry.

  3. So much going through my head...

    My friend Ron's son Kevin killed himself. If you ever want me to connect you with Ron, I'm sure he will reach out to your friends.

    My son struggled with depression for some time, and though I had a pact with him about calling me or his stepdad first, I did wonder some times if I would come across the same scene.

    My friend Agnes, a grown woman blog friend from CA, mentioned to me recently that she had a long ago friend who killed himself, and she still wonders if she could have done something, said something to stop him. So my heart goes out to your friends' son's friends who will struggle with this for a long time to come.

    And his former girlfriend. Oh Jesus hold her in Your grip.

    Lastly his parents. I thank God they are believers as that makes all the difference, but sweet, sweet Jesus, how they must hurt. I pray too that they continue to draw near to Him.

    I pray that God gives you words of comfort to share and actions they will remember as just right in this horrible time of need. I know, with my son's friend Brandon, sometimes--now two years later--I still write to him mom and mention Brandon's name. She will say, "I thought I was the only one still missing him." She is wrong.

    Such a loss for all of you.

  4. I am so sorry. I cannot even imagine. We have seen quite a bit of suicide here where we pastor. My heart is grieving with you, your friends, the siblings, the ex-girlfriend...oh how can one grasp it? Praying with you...and I am so very, very sorry. xo

  5. Oh, my dear I am so sorry to hear of this unfortunate event. Our old Pastor and his wife lost their son the same way as well a few months ago. He had a wife and two children. I just don't even know what to say in situations like that. It hurts me to the core to know how deeply everyone who knows them suffers. One persons missery ends, and turns into many people's missery. It just isn't fair. I will be praying for you, and all those that the Lord knows is suffering from this tragedy.

  6. thanks for all your prayers. . . they will not return void!! may God get all the glory!

  7. Unimaginable! I will be praying for your heavy heart as well as for you friend.

  8. that is terrible! praying for you---in whatever aspect you need :)
    love ya!

  9. That is unspeakable. I can't imagine. I am so very sorry for your friend. There are no words.

  10. Our dear friends son did that 8 years ago.
    I flew to Chicago to be with them. It is so heartbreaking. If they only knew how much it hurts their parents I don't think they would do it. My heart aches for this family. I am so sorry. Please if you get a chance send me her name & address so I can mail her a handkerchief from my For Your Tears blog. Actually that is how this whole thing started for me. After I came home from their sons funeral I bought her a music box with the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" that was her song for her son. I put a hanky inside and told her "this is for your tears."

  11. Oh my goodness. This is heartbreaking. I worry about this a lot, thinking of how deep hurts can be, and how this seems like the only solution sometimes. But it's not, and hope comes in the morning, if you can just keep on keeping on. Off to hug my kids now.

  12. I have chills, and not the good kind. That is so horrible. Oh so horrible. I always pray that my kids never ever doubt the love that we and HE has/have for them. Ugh. That poor sweet mama. Prayers and hearts go out to her.

  13. I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say. That news makes me want to cry.

    In high school, my first seriously relationship ended with the boy leaving me at school at lunch, saying he'd be dead by the time school ended and he suicide note on my cell phone. A friend found me bawling a few minutes later and took me to a counselor at school who called the police. The got to my boyfriend in time. I had tried to break up with on several occassions and had threatened suicide before. After this, it was pretty much the end, but it still scars me. I still experience anxiety when someone is upset with me, and I can't stand when people are sad. I have a strong urge to make everyone happy, because I think a part of me fears that if I don't, they might try the same things as my ex-boyfriend.

    I will pray for your friends and their family, the boy's ex-girlfriend and his friends and everyone close to this.


  14. The unthinkable. The unimaginable. My heart and paryers go out to all in this situation.

  15. Oh my goodness. I am so sorry for you and for all the people surrounding this young man. I cannot imagine what it is like for his mother I pray that Jesus would wrap his arms around her very tightly! I have a friend who's boyfriend shot himself in her apartment shortly after they had a fight. It was just a few months ago and the aftemath of that has been so hard on her.

  16. Can NOT imagine! I really have no words except if I were there, I'd be crying and hugging on all of you. May God grant peace to all the family and friends who are suffering this loss. God hears. God knows. God understands. Never let go of His hand.

  17. My heart sank, reading this. My father committed suicide, and so I know it is a tough road. Praying for his family and friends.


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