my cheating heart

dear blog
i guess it had to come out sooner or later…
i've been cheating on you.
{sob… i know!}
it's not that i don't love you… i do. really.
but lately you have made me feel inadequate. like my thoughts just don't matter. like you're not listening when i talk anyway…
so i've filled my time up with other things. like work {i know, it's a lousy substitute, but it does bring home the bacon croutons}, my youth group responsibilities {fall is super busy with them and we have a new intern to break in get to know}, and even though the kiddles have flown the coop, it seems like they've been swooping home alot more lately. and don't forget {although i'm sure most fans around here would like to} it's football time in tennessee. and georgia tech. and auburn. and arkansas. and vandy. and MTSU. it's been a crazy fall!
i'm sorry i've been two-{three, four, five} timing you. i'd like to say those other things didn't mean anything to me… but i'd be lying. i may be a cheater… but i ain't no liar.
i've felt so jumbled up and scattered lately that i haven't been able to put two intelligible thoughts together lately {just ask the hubs… he'll back me up there!}, let alone spend meaningful time here.
so i ran. i ran to the arms of Someone who loves and understands me best. spending great, quality time with Him has been what has held me together all these months.
while i'm laying it all out here, dear blog, i may as well be completely honest.
brutally honest… so you may want to sit down.
you will not be first in my life.
{there. i said it.}
He comes first. then the hubs, kiddles, and then other responsibilities.
i have put too much importance on you, and it took an affair to make that clear to me.
i adore you and the friends you have introduced me to. but i realize in order for us to have a healthy relationship, you need to be put in your place.
and maybe, now with my priorities in line… we can have more meaningful chats.
i still want to know what's going on in your life, dear blog and all of your peeps.
i still want to shoot diet coke out of my nose {not a real strong visual, but it's true. no one makes me laugh like your friends!}. i still want to know your stories.
i hope you're not angry with me, dear blog.
i hope that this little hiccup in our relationship will only serve to make us stronger.
striving always…