anybody home (home home home home)?

By juniper_travel

there's an echo in my head.

i kinda thought it was gone.

just when i was getting the hang of my empty nest, it got emptier feeling yesterday.

my birds were home this weekend. the entire extended flock were over wednesday nite for a bonfire. and some petros. mmmmmmm. what fun. to have christmas music blaring over the outside speakers, the smell of campfire clinging to their clothes, the gaggle of kids huddled around the computer as they shared their favorite youtube videos and the eruptions of laughter seriously made my heart feel as if it might explode. (the only downside was the lost battery charger and the very dead battery of my camera. booooooo.)

i've missed my birds.

after a luxuriously long weekend of family, food and fellowship, my birds have returned back to their respective roosts, and my nest has more room in it than i'm sometimes comfortable.

ask me last week at this time how the empty nest thing was going, and i would answer with an enthusiastic FINE!!

and it is fine. really it is. they are just where they are supposed to be and are thriving and experiencing life as it is meant to be lived. (i.e. not in their parent's home) i want my birds to learn to fly on their own. i will not be here for them forever. it's time. and i'm okay with that.

really.

it's just that i was getting used to that whole idea and then they came back to our nest. and it felt all snuggly and right.

i'll get used to it again. really, i will.

but then they'll be back for christmas.

i love my little migratory birds. i'm looking forward to them coming home to roost for awhile. and i'm sure i'll get over my empty nest again.

and again.

blessed

giving thanks this year for my many blessings.

i could list them here, but i don't know. i'm not sure a list of my blessings would mean overly much… almost like reading someone else's mail, i guess.

all it takes is a 360 panoramic view of all that is around and it reminds me that whatever i am struggling with really pales in comparison to what others are dealing with. all things being relative, however, and i don't for a minute to minimize what is going on in my world, because it is significant to us (and to my racing heart).

so this thanksgiving, i'm going to the author of my story, my life, and giving Him thanks for all that is in my life. the good and the bad. the bright and the dark. the hilarious and terrifying.

thank you for loving me, Lord, even in my imperfect fallibility, thank you.

thank you for saving my life.

thank you for everyone in my life (the good and the annoying, the encouraging and the ones that suck the very life from my soul… thank you one and all).

thank you for the lives you have entrusted to me.

i have blessings so numerous, that i feel unworthy of such gifts. i treasure each and every one and thing and never for a minute want to forget how very much He loves me.

may you be wrapped in the loving arms of your Father this holiday season. may you be surrounded by people who bring you joy, and may He grant you an extra measure of mercy and grace to deal with those He has brought into your lives that make you grit your teeth (every family's got 'em, y'know).

giving thanks with a greatful heart.

my cup runneth over.

i am alive… barely

just a quick post to say that

a) the two day bazaar (or should i just say bizarre) is over. we sold some stuff, but overall was a giant disappointment. lots-o-stress for nada.

b) our family's business that has been undergoing some economic-times struggles is still alive… but it's tough times right now

c) kids are returning from college this week

d) lots of responsibilities for the fam business = my life is not my own.

stress is really rocking my world right now. and so is time management. and shepherding young adults is proving to be challenging.

never had a panic attack until this week. i'm still convinced i have a heart issue. lamenting the fact that i should have been in better tune with my body via yearly physicals. ( i have one scheduled for dec 3. new dr. because the old one is out of network)

thinking about this is causing my heart to race.

stop the ride.

i wanna get off.

hand in hand

i have a lot to do today. i had a lot to do yesterday, and i even managed to get most of it done. it wasn't easy, though. and i was up at 4 am so technically, i should have been able to get everything done, my house cleaned and meals for the next two weeks made and in the freezer.

but i have A.D.D.

so i began several of those things in the midst of doing what i was supposed to be doing. and i did watch an old episode of grey's anatomy (did you know lifetime is showing them from the very beginning?? my DVR is in heaven!) and clean my office some and begin to organize some paperwork. oh, but it's beautiful outside. i'll take some pictures. and edit some pictures. and post some pictures. oh. work. yes. back to work.

GAH!

so i have a lot to do today. it's saturday. and i have a show on friday where i have to have plenty of my wares to sell (photos to come late in the week). we're trying to get this little business endeavor off the ground, but i still have responsibilities to keep first. wife. family business. mentor.

so in the midst of all i have to do, i'm also a classic procrastinator. did i mention the tree out front that is a cornucopia of autumnal color?

wait.

i have work to do.

and blogs to stalk.

and dust to eradicate.

A.D.D. + procrastination = bane of my existence.

must.

focus.

but did you see that rose blooming right in the middle of fall?

spectacular. must get my camera.

cornflower skies and autumn

bathed in the morning sunlight…
is the tree outside my door…

spectacular visual poetry…
written by our Creator…
a symphony of colors…
singing praises to the King…
…heavenly.

journeys…it's a continuing story

woke up sunday to dreary skies, but at least it had stopped raining. headed to the dining tent to have breakfast. upon opening the doors, angels were singing…

yes…

biscuits and gravy. sausage patties. and other stuff i didn't care about. my eyes were captivated by biscuits and gravy.

well that is a little overstated. my stomach's anticipation clouded my vision, because anyone can tell you there ain't nothing too beautiful about a big pot of gravy for biscuits. in fact, you'd best avert yer eyes. it's ain't purty.

but it sure is delicious…

and i know, i shouldn't get this worked up about food… any food… but i couldn't help it. doe river gorge's biscuits and gravy are pretty much out of this world. side-by-side with a sausage patty, and you've got down-right heavenly. (not too heavenly for my arteries, but whatever!)

alright, i completely digress here. it's not about the food. it's about the stories!

our final meeting time before packing up and heading home. stories about how a life in Christ has changed us and what it looks like going forward.

i thought this would be the easy part. you know, the part where my life is so much better, and on and on. this is redemption! eternal life here on earth! the good part!!

i was completely unprepared for the eruption of tears that began the minute i began speaking.

i became a believer at that conference. my walk with the Lord was more like a crawl, but it was a beginning. i couldn't tell the hubster about my experience. it's not unlikely that divorce papers would follow. he was not in the least bit interested in spiritual things, and having been raised in a very religious home, he wanted no part in empty religious practices, even though we were attending church regularly. so i read my Bible on the sly, and my growth really was very stunted that first year. i came to the decision to join our church, and invited the hub, but was clear that i didn't want him following suit just because of me.

it was during this process where the Lord got ahold of my mate and transformed his heart. his conversion was of the lightning bolt variety—a moment where he became weak-kneed and his heart became inhabited by the living God.

our lives changed dramatically from that moment. people could see the differences in us, and many of our relationships changed because of our new-found purpose in life. many of our friends faded away, but the Lord blessed us with new friends—deep, intentional, real friends.

our "first encounter with Christ" occurred not long after became Christians. our son had been shoved into a brick wall face first at the hands of a bully, and the Lord calmed our hearts in such as way as our first thought beyond the immediate safety and care for our son was mercy and grace for the young man who hurt our son. (and He continues to resupply this every time boy wonder has surgery…over ten at last count) it was evident that that was not us, it was clearly the Holy Spirit, because just months before, we would have been filled with bitterness and hatred.

three weeks later, my dad unexpectedly died, and again, we encountered Christ in such tangible ways. the body of believers surrounded us with prayer and assistance, and the Lord gave me the ability to share my testimony at my father's funeral. i had been too afraid to share my new-found faith with my father for fear of rejection. i was convicted i would never let another opportunity to share Jesus pass me by. as a new believer, sharing my testimony was frightening, but the Lord gave me the courage to share and the composure to speak without crying.

because of my past, the Lord called me into crisis pregnancy counseling, which i did for three years. every single day of that ministry was difficult and uncomfortable, but the Lord equipped me to serve. He nudged me into leaving that ministry when He showed me that serving young teen girls would ensure that many would never darken the doorstep of a crisis pregnancy center.

nine years ago, i became a youth leader. i began with middle school girls, and now lead high school girls. it is the joy of my life to share the precious gift of Jesus with them, and to lead them into a love-relationship with Him. reminding young girls that they are daughters of the King of Kings…perfect princesses, created by the master of all creation, his workmanship, the beauty of his very image.

it is my honor and joy to serve Jesus in this way. to breathe truth into their lives with love.

our God is a God of redemption. of mercy. of grace. and when i remember where i was and how he scooped me up from the cess-pool of my life, i weep in gratitude.

Jesus saved my life.

the journey continues…

after a very relaxing afternoon of just being, we gathered for dinner and then proceeded on to the evening meeting time.

during this journey, we were sharing about how we came to be aware of Jesus in our lives.

"i'd love to tell you that after suffering such pain and brokenness, i turned my life over to Jesus. this was not to be. instead, i did what i had done up to this point my whole life: i picked myself up, and pressed on. i dealt. i stuffed my real feelings so deep down so i wouldn't have to feel the pain. i put on my happy mask and did it my way. i'm strong. i can do it.

i didn't date at all the rest of high school (not a huge surprise). i learned to distrust guys and rely on myself.

a year later, i was on my way to tennessee to go to college, much to the dismay of my parents. because of my willfulness, i earned the right to put myself through school. this was only the first of many times my headstrong ways cost me.

life in the "bible belt" was a new environment for me, and i had never really encountered anyone who talked much about their faith other than complaining about having to go to church or mass. most of my friends didn't really go to church, and those that did weren't exactly sold on the idea. the Lord placed all kinds of sweet people in my path both in college, and then in my work environment. for the most part, these were nice people, but it wasn't like i was wanting what they had in their life. they were just nice people. {note: not a single one of these people shared the gospel with me. i'm sure it was all how God wanted to see it all play out, but it's a reminder to me not to be afraid to share the good stuff.}

i met my husband while i was in college. he, like the few relationships i had prior, was older than me. perhaps because i still didn't trust, or was looking for stability because my life seemed so chaotic. for whatever reason, we seemed to gel, and got married four years later. immediately, we had our two children, and it was clear to me that we didn't have what it took to raise responsible, moral kids.

having kids landed me back in church, seeking… but still ellusive. it took three years before the Lord was able to penetrate my hard, self-reliant, prideful heart.

it was a women's retreat that i had my first close encounter with Jesus. the speaker spent the weekend unpacking the picture of a house. the theme related to how Jesus wants to take up residence in our house. it was just the analogy i needed. my house had been boarded up for so long. i didn't need anyone coming into my house. i was fine. didn't need help. didn't want company. and i certainly didn't want anyone coming in to my house to show me where i needed to clean. thank the Lord that He is persistent. He knocked, and i opened the door and invited him in."