the journey continues…

after a very relaxing afternoon of just being, we gathered for dinner and then proceeded on to the evening meeting time.

during this journey, we were sharing about how we came to be aware of Jesus in our lives.

"i'd love to tell you that after suffering such pain and brokenness, i turned my life over to Jesus. this was not to be. instead, i did what i had done up to this point my whole life: i picked myself up, and pressed on. i dealt. i stuffed my real feelings so deep down so i wouldn't have to feel the pain. i put on my happy mask and did it my way. i'm strong. i can do it.

i didn't date at all the rest of high school (not a huge surprise). i learned to distrust guys and rely on myself.

a year later, i was on my way to tennessee to go to college, much to the dismay of my parents. because of my willfulness, i earned the right to put myself through school. this was only the first of many times my headstrong ways cost me.

life in the "bible belt" was a new environment for me, and i had never really encountered anyone who talked much about their faith other than complaining about having to go to church or mass. most of my friends didn't really go to church, and those that did weren't exactly sold on the idea. the Lord placed all kinds of sweet people in my path both in college, and then in my work environment. for the most part, these were nice people, but it wasn't like i was wanting what they had in their life. they were just nice people. {note: not a single one of these people shared the gospel with me. i'm sure it was all how God wanted to see it all play out, but it's a reminder to me not to be afraid to share the good stuff.}

i met my husband while i was in college. he, like the few relationships i had prior, was older than me. perhaps because i still didn't trust, or was looking for stability because my life seemed so chaotic. for whatever reason, we seemed to gel, and got married four years later. immediately, we had our two children, and it was clear to me that we didn't have what it took to raise responsible, moral kids.

having kids landed me back in church, seeking… but still ellusive. it took three years before the Lord was able to penetrate my hard, self-reliant, prideful heart.

it was a women's retreat that i had my first close encounter with Jesus. the speaker spent the weekend unpacking the picture of a house. the theme related to how Jesus wants to take up residence in our house. it was just the analogy i needed. my house had been boarded up for so long. i didn't need anyone coming into my house. i was fine. didn't need help. didn't want company. and i certainly didn't want anyone coming in to my house to show me where i needed to clean. thank the Lord that He is persistent. He knocked, and i opened the door and invited him in."