a little couch time

i responded to a question posted on a group discussion this morning. the question was "what does your husband think about you blogging?" or something along those lines. it got me to thinking about why i do what i do and why i have people out there in the blogland that i consider "friends" and the whole phenomina of blogging. it made my head hurt.

so i'll share a bit of the online therapy session i had with myself:

the fact that i blog is something that my husband is pretty clueless about. in fact, most of my family is clueless about it (although my kids know, read it sometimes, and my son's GF reads more frequently than both of my own kids) even though we are over 650 miles away. oh well. i don't really talk about it much. but i do mention some of my "imaginary friends" and what i've learned from them. i pretty much keep the fact that they are my "imaginary" (online) friends on the DL, and simply refer to them as "friends." confused yet?

i blog to an audience of less than 10 regular readers. actually, if i had ten regular readers, that would be rather amazing to me!

this oftentimes begs the question:

why the heck do i blog??

herin lies the self therapy session.

i wish i really knew! is it because i think that there is something in my little life that might be interesting or insightful to someone else? is this a sign of excessive narcissistic tendencies?am i doing any kind of public service? if i say something in the middle of the woods, miles away from anyone, does it matter or does anyone care? i don't really know. most of the time i just feel like i'm talking to myself. perhaps that's therapy in itself. perhaps it my way of ironing out some kinks.

back to the husband. (did i mention i have ADD?)

i work for him in the family biz. i moved my office home after being out in our corporate office (of four people) and then into a creative co-op downtown, which i loved. being a designer, it's good to have people to bounce ideas off of. but money became tight and i moved home. into the lower level. no windows. i "affectionately" call my office the cave (much to the irritation of the hubster). i don't really mind being at home, but found that i crave interaction with people. i'm captivated by stories. i love good writing. and i have found some really neat people out there in the land-o-blog. many of the stories are heart breaking. and most of the people i follow have strong walks with the Lord, and their journeys encourage my heart. i am honored to pray for many of them.

if my husband knew how much i blogstalk or how much time i spend on my own blog (which really isn't much, but it is "work time") he'd probably stroke out. and the fact that i blog about us/family/whatever would strike him as exceedingly odd. i think he thinks the whole notion of blogging is a huge waste of time and i should be spending my time helping to make our struggling little business stronger. i think he would almost see it as a betrayal of our family business.

so i'm a closet blogger. i don't mention it to my IRL friends much. i don't advertise it overly on my facebook page (another eye-roll from the hubster). i enjoy my secret little online hobby. i get great ideas, yummy recipes, it sparks my creativity, i feel connected to the outside world from my little "cave."

but this also begs the question.

am i honoring my marriage by having this little "side compartment" that i don't necessarily keep hidden? it is out there. i just don't talk about it. 

okay. therapy session over. i really do have work.

and i better get some of it done because we're about to leave on a little vacation of sorts. we're taking bamagirl to college for her orientation, then heading right out to denver for a bit of a family reunion and an opportunity to be adult guests at Frontier Ranch, the YoungLife camp, where both of our children spent the "best week of their lives." We have invited the hubsters parents to join us for a couple of days there, too, and are praying that the Lord uses this time to His glory.