longing heart

rummaging through a basket in my kitchen, i happened across a package of ch*nese sunflower seeds. an obsession of mine when i was there the last two summers. i brought back several packages thinking folks back home would enjoy them as much as i had.

wrong!

they do have a unique flavor, but i really love them. but for people here, it's an unfamiliar and strange taste. and they weren't there. tasting the flavors of that wonderful place. or smelling the smells, hearing the sounds. . .

finding those sunflower seeds brought me right back to all of the sounds, sights and smells of a country i dearly love.

i've never much cared for eggplant here in the US. but there? ohmygracious. . . it's amazing. one of my absolute favorites! and there is nothing better than fresh vegetables. they are sold in open air markets all over and come straight from the fields. mmmmm. i get hungry just thinking about it.

we craved bread while we were there. all you can find is sweet bread, almost like a cake. and decorated to the nines. things are pretty inexpensive there, but i remember the prices on the breads being pretty outrageous. but they were so pretty, you just wanted to scoop them all up! (but the flavor is oh-so-disappointing!)

shopping there was a hoot. the walmart an experience. absolutely packed with people, and checking out was a riot (hilarious, and somewhat riot-like, too). with the concepts of "lines," "taking ones turn" and "personal space" being fairly non-existant, my efforts to get my selections paid for was almost an international incident.

most of all, i miss the people. the relationships we established. the lives we honored by just showing up, listening, playing and loving. they made it easy. such open arms of welcome.

i hate that things didn't work out this year. my heart aches just a little bit.

i'm trying not to waste my time while i wait to return. i'll be practicing loving on students and listening. (i need to work extra hard on that skill)

i'm longing to return. . . to make a difference in this world.

avoiding an A.D.D. saturday

glancing around my studio/office, i can see about four unfinished projects that are begging to be finished.

that doesn't count the dishwasher that needs to be unloaded or the open cookbook on my kitchen counter or the ears of corn i've already taken out of the refrigerator as i'm thinking about making the salad i read about yesterday here.

i actually put down the corn and went back to the quilt project i started this morning—re-started is more like it. . . i began that project about a month before bama girl left for college. at least i haven't been sidetracked making that corn thing. . .

ah, but here i am blogging, instead.

well, i walked past the computer and well. . .

*sigh*

it's the story of my life, really.

if i'm thinkin' it. . . i'm sayin' it.

if i'm wonderin' it. . . i'm googlin' it.

oh, look! something shiny!! off i go. . .

maybe i'm not the only creative mind that has an attention span of a two-year-old (not to offend any two-year-olds out there). but this is something i really struggle with.

i have post-its all over my office reminding me of the projects i've begun. . . or need beginning. it's a lousy system, but it seems to cater to my need to jot down things as i think of them. i have a pad of paper, too, but it has hundreds of jottings and none are connected.

just add coffee, and i've got a real mess on my hands!

so my goal today is finish some of the projects that i've started and create some that have been swimming around in my head for a few weeks.

and feed my family.

and be a good wife.

and touch base with a few students.

and shower.

now what did i come in here for?

oh yeah. the pincushion. . .

fully embracing

what began as a routine morning, has now escalated into an all-too familiar journey. i'm fully embracing the onslaught of another crushing headache.

i've been a chronic headache sufferer for the past 17 years. i've seen neurologists, chiropractors, orthopedists, general practicianors, janitors, plumbers, i don't know, i've seen everyone but a shrink, and i'm just thinking that's my next stop because these things are seriously driving me crazy.

did you know if you twitter about a migraine or a headache you'll be "followed" by a host of "people" trying to sell you headache remedies?? i pretty much have more than enough spam in my email inbox, must these people invade twitter as well?? it's enough to give me a headache!!

oh wait. i already have one.

i had scoliosis as a child (although it's not something you get over, i guess i still have scoliosis) and after being in and out of braces and body casts (can you see why me dating was never a thing my parents were worried about?) throughout middle and high school, i eventually had a full spinal fusion, complete with the harrington rod-car jacking maneuver they did on my vertebral column.

thank goodness for morphine. lots and lots of morphine.

but the remnants of that issue has resulted in a residual curve in my neck. and chronic headaches.

overall, i try not to let it get to me. and if i keep busy, i can almost forget i have a nagging, literal pain in my neck.

but other days, like today, i'm not so enjoying having my head attached to the rest of my body. i have a pretty high threshold of pain, and i'll endure. . . but i gotta wonder what my liver looks like after a fairly regular diet of excedrine migraine, naproxen, advil and extra strength tylenol. the big guns (imitrex, maxalt, etc) sometimes work, but at $25 a pop, it gives me a headache just thinking how we'll afford more!

but i'm not going to let a vice-grip on my cerebellum interfere with enjoying a gorgeous unseasonably dry/cool august (yes, i said august) day in tennessee. cool/dry, august and tennessee. never before seen in the same sentence. . . at least not without an "i wish we could have" attached to it.

seriously, it's been a spectacular summer.

and really, i'm kinda glad my head is attached to my body. . .

what's cookin?

i daresay, julia child is an inspiration.

the hubster, niecy and i went to see julie & julia last night, and it was one of the most delightful movies i have seen in quite some time. even the hubster enjoyed it, but niecy and i did get a kick out of his slack-jawed, eyes closed "recess" during one of the slower moments, but a quick nudge snapped him out of it. (i've seen him do this during the most action-packed movies, too. apparently the inside of his eyelids are quite captivating)

anywhoo. . .

you can judge the level of an audience's engagement several ways. laughter during appropriate times is one of the most obvious, but exclamations of delight, hands clasped under one's chin as a sigh escapes the lips, and most certainly, the applause during the credits (who is to hear, the director?? not hardly) are tell-tale signs that the audience is captivated.

julia's joie de vivre is contagious, her passion for flavors is compelling, and her willingness to break the glass ceiling at the cordon blue is inspiring. it made me want to go buy a pound of butter and tackle a buerre blanc. to attempt coq au vin. to debone a duck (well, wait a minute, i'm not that inspired!).

i'm not the least bit intimidated. . . i've recently made four cheese lasagna and beef stroganoff. to rave reviews, too.

i've got hamburger helper and i'm not afraid to use it.

i really am not intimated, though. cooking isn't that mysterious. it's about following directions, right? and she is an inspiration. i am almost prompted to make my own crust for my key lime pie i'm making for tonight's dinner party.

but who am i kidding??

i remember when my mom was giving me a quick run-down of how to cut the butter (or shortening) into the flour for a pie crust. i stopped her and said, "ummm. mom, you've mistaken me for someone who's not adept at opening a box of pillsbury pie dough. i mean, for real, are you kidding me?!"

so back to dinner for tonight. i've got some chicken, some avacado, some cilantro, some limes. but i also have these mangoes and peaches just lying about. . .

hmmmm.

as much as i love a good recipe. . . i'm just as inclined to just grab what i've got and wing it.

it hasn't killed anyone in my family yet! (can't say as much for dan ackroyd)

good luck finding a copy of mastering the art of french cooking, her renowned cookbook, finally published in 1961. i'm sure this movie has catupulted it right back into the new york time's best seller's list. but you know, i think i'm going to try to hunt down a copy. perhaps on amazon or alibris.

was that a cheer from the fam? what, no more hamburger helper?? what shall i do with half the contents of my pantry!!?

been there, dragged that

i was talking with one of my friends in student ministry this week, and we got on to the subject of being broken. feeling inadequate. having issues. being ill-suited for ministry. emptiness.

actually, it didn't take us long to get to that topic at all. i think it burped up right after "how are you?"

there isn't (at least for me) anything more humbling than being in student ministry. i wish i had the confidence of Paul, who once was one of the biggest Christian bashers around, and then found himself in some pretty major ministry work and also was the most prolific author of the new testament. that should be some encouragement, right?

we all come to the party with baggage. even if the invite didn't say, "bring your baggage," we bring it anyway. and there it sits, in plain view of everyone there. i try to pretend they're not there, but people see my bags. they just don't see inside. and since i'm pretending they're not there, i'm surely not going to tell you what's inside the bags that are not there. follow?

but they're there. and they affect the way i live, think, minister, and basically clod around life. sort of like the shackles of my past. i walk, but the bags. . . they get dragged along with everything i do.

over time, Jesus has helped me see what's in my tattered bags, and little by little i am able to unpack my sins and leave them behind. i wish i could just pack up little bits of Jesus and pack him inside my bags so i wouldn't have more room for useless souvenirs, but alas, i'm a collector like that.

but yeah, back to the party.

i'm glad that the person manning the door doesn't make me leave the party because i brought my uninvited baggage.

and thank goodness, when someone does manage to pry my bag open and holds up a soiled, crumpled garment for me to see, i don't slam the lid and ignore the fact that that was in there in the first place. or look that person right in the eye and deny that that garment belongs to me. or shrug it off and say, "yeah, that's mine. what about it?"

thanks for making me notice. and helping me to get rid of it. and thanks for not lecturing me about why i keep putting that disgusting thing back in my bag. over and over and over.

i like to think that my little travel stickers on my bags will help me be a better travel guide to the people i've been entrusted with. to help them navigate through that area and avoid some of the wrong turns i made along the way. i mean, they've got the Ultimate Compass, something i didn't grab a hold of until i was 33.

i'm a traveler with history, but hopefully with enough gathered information to be somewhat useful.

and i guess if i wasn't worried about whether or not these "bags makes me look inadequate" i wouldn't be on track at all.

in the meantime, i'm going to be making some more room for some Jesus. He's so much lighter than all this crap i keep dragging around.

thankful for a creative God

spring rules in my mind as the time when i get all misty-eyed about how awesome and creative our God is. everywhere i go i'm reminded at His extravagant love for us, just be looking around to all the newness that is spring. baby animals, the greening of the trees, the little shoots of green awakening through the soil after a wintertime slumber. it's just such a spectacular display!

i love that God doesn't let us get all worn out and bored during what can oftentimes in the southeast be a very long, muggy, sauna-like existence. unlike the past two summers which were more like arizona than tennessee, we have been blessed with copious amounts of rain and fairly cool (for tennessee in the summer, mind you) temperatures. it's actually been possible to get out and enjoy the summer without spontaneously combusting!

this summer, i actually still have flowers blooming, and not hanging baskets of parched, emaciated vines, listlessly draped over the side of the pot. instead, i have some green, some coral and some purple (interspaced between the aforementioned vines. . .i'm not perfect) blossoms. it's really quite amazing (considering my rather black thumbs).

i was rather surprised to see this phoenix rising from the ashes of two blisteringly dry summers. i thought it was forever gone. granted it's a dwarf of its former size, but i was glad to see her back. honestly, i said, out loud to her. . . "what are you doing here and why are you so pretty so early??" so glad you're back.i have no idea what these flowers are called, but they are the cutest thing in the world, and burst forth into pretty much my favorite color. they look like little balloons before they open. filled with their little own private greenhouse air. . . they're so cute. and they're blooming all summer. what a flippin' bonus!!

i know monkey grass is not the most clever of landscaping materials, but i absolutely LOVE it in the late summer when they show their stuff!! (perhaps i'm biased, the color is right up my alley) what a treat when the sun comes up and casts its pretty yellow rays on these little gems. if they were bells, there would be a sweet tinkling all around my house!

and what i know about roses can be summed up in one word: nothing. but i did plant a new bush this year (name escapes me) and i'm so glad i did. what a fun little party on my front walkway.

i hate to leave out my garden. it's been the source of much joy and frustration this summer. the squash and zucchini were lame performers this year. . . coupled by the fact that my three garden ummm "helpers" harvested themselves before i could get to them. grrrrr. (that would be the frustration) who know dachshunds liked to garden, or eat raw squash?

the cucumbers were a bumper crop this year (egads, it's not like you can make cucumber bread for cryin out loud!!) and this would be fine, but many of them were bitter.

the tomatoes have been spectacular this year (albeit a bit late) and again, the ones nearer the ground have been decimated by. . . yep. . . dumb, ann, dumber. get a life, dogs!! tomatoes??

i really am thankful for the reminder that God is good. just look at the variety of His creativity! all the different flowers, vegetables (weeds), people, animals. . . all that in seven (well, really six) days?? He IS good!!

a lil pick me up

imagine my surprise, as i was drowning in a sea of me one day, a friend gave me an award. what? well, i'm not sure my blog is fabulous, but mama4real, one of my visitors thought so, and that's good enough for me! and as i was struggling through the drama of sending my last child off to college, she seemed to know when i needed a lil pick me up.

Ok, the rules are that I have to list 5 obsessions, and then tag 5 other people. i'm pretty relieved i only have to list 5 obsessions. i'm not sure i want to bare that much of my soul here!

so here goes:

words. talking, writing, learning. i love words. i'm slightly obsessed by the word verifications (i've mentioned it before here) and would actually like to use those nonsensical words in everyday communication. anyone who knows me knows that i talk. alot. i don't know what is at the root of that, only that as long as i can remember, i've been a talker. my mom used to tell me when i was a little girl, "take a breath." you'd think i'd listen. but that would require me being quiet, which, ummm. . . ain't in the cards. who knows where this comes from? i think it's a selfish streak and perhaps an opportunity to let you know that i'm not stupid. i know stuff. it's awful. what the world wouldn't give for me to come down with a small bout of laryngitis??

good n plenty. what is not to love about pink n green candy?? i do not know where this started, but i'm addicted. and whatintheworld?? black licorice?? i abhor, hate, despise, will spit out a black jelly bean. so why in heaven's name do i like these candies?? and i like the stale ones. the harder to chew the better. this is my favorite movie time candy. on a side note, the hubster loves fruity candy and will put good n fruity WITH the good n plenty in a bag when we go to the movies (i've just exposed our candy smuggling into theaters transgressions). what kills a good n plenty party in my mouth faster than a fruity interloper?? bleccch.

blogstalking. seriously, people. i get no work done. i am captivated by stories. i love to know why people do what they do. i love to live vicariously through people who still have little ones. i'm all about learning hints, tips, decorating advice, etc. i love my ifriends. hearts bared to complete strangers. no fear of condemnation. i don't know what it is about this blog-world, but i love it. i've "met" some really inspiring, creative, winsome, precious people on the net. the hubster thinks i'm certifiable, and if he know how much a) time i spend reading or b) stuff about me i've shared, he'd have a stroke. and along with blogstalking, i spend the rest of my time googling, of course! seriously, i google everything. it's the handiest thing out there. whoever is collecting information on me due to my google searching has a preeeeety thick file. and it's all over the place. if i'm thinkin it, i'm googlin it. (sounds like i could make a tshirt on that one)

ch*na. after three trips there, a huge chunk of my heart is there. oh, how i wanted about 3 ch*nese children to come live with us. forever. grafted into our family. our kids would have loved that, but the hubster couldn't wrap his mind around the astronomical expense of international adoption. i'm pretty sure we're not the only couple that has not been on the same page when it comes to yearnings to adopt. i always wondered why God would put such a desire on my heart only to break it. . . so i've "adopted" some of the students i've taught while there. i still email with some of them. . . but yeah. i'd move there to be a m*issionary in about a minute and a half.

reading. i know, seriously, does it get any nerdier than that? blogstalking, words, google and reading?? yikes, i sound like some agoraphobic hermit in a library. i'm not that sequestered (not that i wouldn't relish the idea) and have other interests, but we are talking obsessions, so i'm comin clean. i dig a good book. and i love christian fiction. i just finished every single karen kingsbury book about the baxters (14 of 'em) i'm currently on elin hilderbrand's last novel, the castaways. i've read every one of her books this summer. yumm. i also read non fiction, and am pretty obsessed with middle eastern stories. . . three cups of tea, the bookseller of kabul, etc. i'm totally going to read the stoning of sorayah m.

i have passions, too. but this isn't about passions. i have a passion for students to know Jesus. i have a passion to encourage, love well, and be a good mother.

i have things in my life i should be more passionate about. like knowing Jesus better, reading my Bible, saving money/budgeting or being a better wife.

i can work on that next week. after i finish the castaways.

now the tagging. . . this is harder than it looks, because many of the blogs i read are already pretty well read and they certainly don't need blog-fodder like this. but i'll try my best!

stefanie at ni hao y'all. what can i say? she's a new ifriend, she's from the south and has adopted from a country i'm obsessed about!

shaina from just because i am me. i love her photography, her humor, her momness. i want to live next door to her!

kristina at pulsipher predilections is hardly someone who needs an "award" but i find her so completely irreverent and hysterical i cannot believe she's a regular reader of mine and always leaves the most precious, unhysterical encouragement on my comments. she says exactly what i'm thinking. she turned me on to the naked cowboy. is there anything else to say? oh yeah, snuggie. embrace the fleece.

jen d at simple things mean so much. she is an ace encourager, precious mom of two. i swear, i'd snuggle up to her kids (and freak the ever livin crap out of them, scarring them for life, so i won't) if i was close enough to them. she's seriously, simply the best.

raechel at finding my feet. she's one of the best things to have come from that whole internet debacle called "april." i'm blessed by her perseverance in life and also for the knack of finding treasures for next to nothing. she. is. an. inspiration.

so there you have it. i hope you'll play along. i enjoyed the activity!

if it wasn't for our weekly cathartic counseling sessions here on "not me monday" i don't know if i'd always wonder, "am i crazy here?" or "am i the only one who suffers from this?" i'm glad there's a forum for all of us to (ahem) not admit to what's been going on. you can check out what everyone else isn't owning up to as well, here at everything mckmama.

okay so last week, while i wasn't wallering in self-pity, lamenting the fact that i'm going to have to replace the revolving front door to my home with an actual real door, despondent over the loss of laughter, raised voices, the smell of paint and the constant recycle round up of half consumed cokes and water bottles, i didn't actually have to come to grips with the fact that both of our kids have flown from the nest. and i didn't cringe slightly at boy wonder's facebook status that said "back in the chatt. . . forever." nope, i did not wish my oversized eaglets would come back to our tiny nest and try to wedge back into a life that is no longer theirs. nope, that would be selfish of me!

when i did not hear from bama girl for almost a week, i did not wonder how i could have raised such an ingrate. i mean goodness gracious, it wasn't like she was swept up into a sea of sorority rushing with nary a minute to grab a shower after trudging around all day in near 100 degree weather. and it's not like all of her 14 other friends weren't calling her on skype the second she arrived back, exhausted and hot. she loves her mommy, but really, who thinks of a mommy when there's college sensory overload to contend with? i did not forget that fact for one minute and slip into a really self-absorbed little mommy-meltdown. i'm way too others-centered for that!!

and i was not so distracted this week that i rinsed out my contact case for the day. .. BEFORE i put my contacts in my eyes. washing two perfectly good contacts down the drain wasn't the least bit upsetting. i mean, it's not like they had two, almost three good weeks left of wear on them! no, i would NOT be that scatterbrained!!

the prospect of going to chattanooga over the weekend didn't have me hunkered down in my kitchen baking peanut butter cookies and making spaghetti sauce.

i didn't put together a little care package for all of bama girl's friends that we planned to visit when we brought boywonder's bed to him. and he wasn't the least bit giddy over a home-cooked meal in the future from his mommy. and none of the kids ripped into the cookies immediately upon gifting.

i mean, eating dessert before dinner is just not done, right?

well, all rules go out the window in college, don't they? nahhh, not these responsible collegians!!

condoning silence

the hubster and i saw an amazing film last night. not on the list of light summertime fare. not hardly.

we had a chance to go see julie & julia with friends, but the timing wasn't right, so we opted to go with our first plan. i saw a trailer for the movie and was compelled to see it. i knew it wouldn't be easy to watch, but wanted to anyway.

the stoning of soraya m is a gut-wrenching story of betrayal, male dominance, and how one's desire for something can destroy lives and taints an entire village.

this is a true story. a story worth telling. because this sort of injustice isn't just a thing of the past, but continues on today.

now that i've seen it, i wonder what exactly i'm supposed to do with this knowledge. i suppose exactly why this book, this movie was created. . . to keep her story alive.

and by remaining silent, why that just condones the action.

happy, happy, joy, joy (thank goodness)

the last post was anything but happy. sorry about that. life gets kinda gritty sometimes. (and snotty, but i won't go there)

and i had to have my time to waller.

but it's over now.

there's alot of silence from alabama. and as much as i would like to think that she's gone and forgotten her momma, you know, the one who gave birth to, the one who held the hair away from her face as she hurled into the commode, the one who was her go-to person. always.

but here's a news flash, you old empty-nester. . . it's not about you!

(that continues to be a news flash every time i hear that)

what the silence means is that bamagirl is having the time of her life.

setting up her new place (and what's not to love about a living room with a 42" plasma tv??), making new friends, sweating in the alabama heat and humidity, rushing, grabbing meals with friends, and staying up late skyping with her high school friends. i'm afraid parents are way down the list of things to do.

ouch.

i think the thing that hurts this mother's rather fragile, tender heart is being so easily dismissed.

i'm pretty sure i did that to my mom, too. i'd ask her about it, but she's been gone ten years now. and that makes this mother's tender, fragile little heart hurt just a little bit more.

so the silence, while deafening at times, is a far cry from endless phone calls about how much she hates it and wants to come home. that would make this mother's tender heart ache with the desire to make it better.

growing up is hard to do. trust me, i know. i'm still growing up.

consider it pure ummmm joy hipocracy

i hate it when i am not quite feeling the joy.

i hate that my life is a tad bit melodrama.

i hate that i struggle to be real. like who really cares/or even reads, but then that sounds so fishy for compliments, and i'm not like that. really.

i was writing in my journal today as i was waiting for wonderboy to get out of surgery. since i didn't want to bring my laptop, i went old-school and used pen and paper.

it happened to be the journal i began to keep when my dad died and shortly thereafter, my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. somewhere in the middle of that i set it down, life happened, and i forgot about it.

the art of writing where pretty much no one will see. and no one comments. and if someone does see it, hopefully i'll be long gone.

so why is it so hard for me to lay it out here. to not feel like i have to candycoat my life just because i'm supposed to be striving to maintain the right perspective in all situations. . .

crap.

basically, i don't feel so much like striving right now. there's not alot of joy in my heart, but that's a lie, because i'm still counting blessings like crazy, but i am just a little lost and empty.

my daughter, our last child at home, left for college on saturday. this is a tough one, mostly because she's chosen to go out of state, and the loans have been completely ellusive and the 2/3 academic schoalarship just ain't gonna cut it and we still have a significant shortfall and have been turned down for several loans (oh the joy of owning your own business). short of a magic bag of loot falling on our doorstep, there's a pretty good chance we'll have to have her come home after christmas. and she's worked so hard. it just kills me. it's not enough to be a really driven honors student. not enough at all. so if anyone knows of an alabama alum with a big bag of loot sitting around collecting dust, let me know. i'll be the lady on my knees asking God how this is going to shake out. trust, trust, trust.

while away moving in bamagirl, wonder boy stayed behind to be with his friends as they rallied around a friend whose dad was killed in a car wreck on thursday night. many of them went out on the lake on saturday, and wonderboy went too. on the last run tubing, he fell off, leaving his finger wrapped around the tow bar. this would be why i was in the waiting room at the hospital today journaling.

the surgery went well (thank you american health care that allows us to have "elective" surgery so quickly after an accident!!) but also got the news that the pins they used to put wonderboy back together have to come back out in 4 weeks. another surgery. not a big deal if we didn't have a $5000 deductible. which we do. i better get some knee pads. i might be here for awhile.

couple this with raw emotions from leaving our daughter in another state (who is more than ready to be on her own and is making it quite clear that having a mother right now is not on her list of important things) and feeling the sting of all that, and really hurting for our friend who lost her dad (i was her small group leader for seven years), and now wondering how in the heck we're going to pay her tuition, plus wonderboy's tuition, and a monsterous medical bill. . .

trust, trust, trust.

empty nest wasn't such a big deal to me. i'm really okay with her being gone. i just wasn't prepared for being so easily dismissed. we did raise her to be independent. i guess we did a better job than i thought.

so yeah, trust. i really do trust. and i know God is sovereign. and i know He has us here for a reason. i know all these things in my head, but knowing this still doesn't keep me from waking up in the middle of the night wondering how. how are we going to do this?

and knowing that our problems pale in comparison to people facing life threatening diseases, or children who are forever impared. i have SO much to be thankful for. really i do. and i am thankful. i'm trying to turn my worries into prayers. but it's really quiet out there.

this is a huge ramble. . .

and maybe i can put some sugar on this tomorrow. but for tonite? well, this is my journal post in my book. and i'm going to try to forget that i just splayed my life out there. whatintheworld??

us, forget to get gas?? not us!!

i've taken a pretty good nnm* vacation for awhile, and so thought, now that i'm officially an empty nester, why not enjoy my last nnm/nmcm** opportunity?

(*not me monday ** not my child monday)

i could go on and on about this weekend, but in the spirit of oh, i don't know, keeping my job, i'll be brief.

very brief.

i would never admit to bursting into tears outside the walgreens on saturday morning after buying two sympathy cards for some friends of ours who lost their husband/dad in a car wreck the previous day. i'm sure that preparing to say goodbye to my daughter and her 15 friends didn't put me entirely over the edge that i felt the need to bawl the entire time i made my debit transaction to completely losing it on the threshold to the store. nope, that would be sort of awkward, and snot coming down my face is so not good for business.

and i did let my feelings get hurt that bama girl shooed us out of her new dorm room because she's ready to, oh, i don't know, start her own life without her mommy putting away her groceries and unwrapping all her new stuff?!

it's not like i was trying to move into my own dorm or anything, i mean, jeezopeeze, get a life already! my feelings weren't hurt. okay, they were a bit.

i did not drive five hours back home without crying. that would be an emotional feat capable by only a person with a heart of steel. and that wasn't me. my heart is made of cottage cheese (just like my thighs) and i teared up a few times. it is after all, a normal thing, this growing up and moving away thing. i mean for goodness sakes, it's not like i'm going to home school college, right?

we were not busy talking about stuff that we (well, i'm being generous here by saying "we" since "i" was not driving) took the fork in the road that lead to nashville rather than the one heading to chattanooga. i mean, we don't live in an area even remotely close to nashville, and really were not in the mood to enjoy the view (although the sunset was beautiful) and didn't have 12 miles to enjoy said view as we waited for the next exit. i didn't notice the turn and didn't decide to hold my tongue for fear of being "captian obvious." nope, not me!

and we did not get so distracted by getting home at a decent hour that we forgot to fill up our gas tank after we stopped for a quick dinner at 9:30. i mean, that would be completely scatterbrained to do something that lame. we did not come to a rolling stop in the pitch dark and have to walk along the interstate for two miles to go get gas. that would be the most brainless thing to do, and we would never resort to doing something that sketchy.

and i was not mindlessly texting wonderboy's girlfriend as we passed by her hometown to ask her if she wanted to join us at mexi-wings for a bite (at 10:30) to reminisce over our easter dinner there (hmmmm. car problems again). completely random to text her, and even more random that we ran out of gas as i was texting. her parents were not less than five miles away and totally prepared to save the day. nope, that chain of events would not have all happened on an emotionally charged day that we were so anxious to have finish so we could crawl into our beds. no, not us!

oh, and if you want to check out and see what other people have been up to but won't admit to doing, feel free to drop by jennifer and all her millions of friends. they're not owning up here. oh and if you want to participate, c'mon in. the water's fine! and you might even win something, too!!

oh, and in the spirit of being brief? anyone who knows me that i'm never brief.

nope, not me!!

family lives here

my mom was the original mrs. clean. nothing would strike fear in her eyes like a declaration from my sister and i that we would be making cookies. visions of our family being carried out of our home on the backs of an army of ants would play through her mind, and all the color would drain out of her face. my mom missed alot of fun times with us because she was too stressed about being the perfect housewife.

judge me by the tumbleweed-sized dust bunnies blowing across my hardwood floors. or by the dining room table strewn with the latest craft project the girls are into. or my sewing table laden with dorm-room-decor in progress.

i am okay with that. a family lives here. and we're not competing for house beautiful. we're sharing memories and love around here.

and with bama girl leaving for college in (gulp) two days, there's lots to be done and i'm glad i don't have to stress about keeping a perfect home while we suck the life out of the next 48 hours.