i almost need to fast from facebook for awhile.
my heart can't take much more!
so many of my friends are either sending off their first child to college, or they're becoming new empty nesters. the mood amongst my facebook friends is somber. and that's the kids, too.
it's hard leaving behind friends and family and facing the unknown. it's exciting too… the mix of emotions is enough to give even the strongest of stomachs a case of acid indigestion.
i was feeling pretty good about sending my younguns off again. really, i was.
bamagirl left about two weeks before boy wonder… and we went down a week after she left to move all her stuff in (to the palace). then the next week boy wonder left on his own… and we followed a week later to move some of the big stuff in and get him settled (pictures to come… it deserves its own post).
that was tuesday.
classes have started for bamagirl and boy wonder's start next tuesday.
our home is quiet. in a way that is unfamiliar, yet reminiscent of last year. i remember not liking the quiet.
this year, i'm more comfortable with it, but deep down, i think i'm grieving again. hearing my friends lament their losses is rubbing just a tiny bit of salt into a wound i thought had healed.
it manifested itself in a dream…
our dogs were over at a neighbors home and were screaming and going crazy (our dogs have not be adequately socialized and are borderline obnoxious) and i was trying to quiet them down. across the way, a very young bamagirl was standing, frightened. i reached my arms out and she came running… relieved to be safe from the chaos of the dogs.
i patted her back and comforted her as she rested her head on my shoulder and i was so happy to have her nestled in my arms, needing her mommy. i was looking forward to time together to mold and shape her.
then i realized… she's not four anymore.
i'm missing that part of motherhood.
"i love you, mom."
"no, i love YOU!"
NO!! i love YOU, mom!"
"nooooo, i think i love YOU!"
"NOOOOO! i love you MORE!"
"mmmmm. no, i think i love YOU more!"
"mommmmm! we love each other!"
yes. we do.
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