my heart can't take much more!
so many of my friends are either sending off their first child to college, or they're becoming new empty nesters. the mood amongst my facebook friends is somber. and that's the kids, too.
it's hard leaving behind friends and family and facing the unknown. it's exciting too… the mix of emotions is enough to give even the strongest of stomachs a case of acid indigestion.
i was feeling pretty good about sending my younguns off again. really, i was.
bamagirl left about two weeks before boy wonder… and we went down a week after she left to move all her stuff in (to the palace). then the next week boy wonder left on his own… and we followed a week later to move some of the big stuff in and get him settled (pictures to come… it deserves its own post).
that was tuesday.
it's over.
classes have started for bamagirl and boy wonder's start next tuesday.
our home is quiet. in a way that is unfamiliar, yet reminiscent of last year. i remember not liking the quiet.
this year, i'm more comfortable with it, but deep down, i think i'm grieving again. hearing my friends lament their losses is rubbing just a tiny bit of salt into a wound i thought had healed.
it manifested itself in a dream…
our dogs were over at a neighbors home and were screaming and going crazy (our dogs have not be adequately socialized and are borderline obnoxious) and i was trying to quiet them down. across the way, a very young bamagirl was standing, frightened. i reached my arms out and she came running… relieved to be safe from the chaos of the dogs.
i patted her back and comforted her as she rested her head on my shoulder and i was so happy to have her nestled in my arms, needing her mommy. i was looking forward to time together to mold and shape her.
then i realized… she's not four anymore.
sigh.
i'm missing that part of motherhood.
"i love you, mom."
"no, i love YOU!"
NO!! i love YOU, mom!"
"nooooo, i think i love YOU!"
"NOOOOO! i love you MORE!"
"mmmmm. no, i think i love YOU more!"
"mommmmm! we love each other!"
yes. we do.
AWWWWWW....I have a 5 yo I can loan you?!
ReplyDeleteanytime you want!!
they do grow up way too fast...it makes me sad to even think about it sometimes
Oh, they do grow up too fast, don't they? My thirteen year old is becoming so much more independent. And snotty...the ten year old still crawls into my lap, though. This post left me melancholy. But you articulated your feelings well :-)
ReplyDeleteAwww. Love the post and the title! It captures how FLEETING childhood is.
ReplyDelete:*(
ReplyDeleteAs I've thought about this today, I am reminded of a mom of one of last year's 4th graders who also had a daughter who was a HS senior. She started the school year as a mess over her daughter going to college this year. THAT's what she wanted to talk about at her daughter's conference.
ReplyDeleteEach passage is tough. People weep over Kindergarten (I cried when Mac didn't get off the bus that first day, but that's a story for another time), and that's their prerogative. Parents cry over a lost tooth. Mommies are sad when their kids sleep through storms because it means no more snuggling.
Each of these times though brings so many things to celebrate and marvel at. Kids want to grow up!
Today, Mac called me from the LSU campus to tell me 1) they have a real tiger there, and 2) they are an Ag school and on campus is a ice cream shop where the scream is made on the premises.
Yeah, he's 24, not 4, but he still delights in the little things.
((HUGS)) The best part is that they are going to school, getting their lives in order. You raised them well and let's face it, they always come home again :)
ReplyDeleteI wish them both success in school this year.