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Friday, February 5, 2010

dark and twisty

i knew including the word "joy" in my blog header and the accompanying "striving to maintain the right perspective in all circumstances" would be a stretch on some days… but i was ill-prepared for yesterday.

it's my blog, and i'll cry if i want to, cry if i want to, cry if i want to… you would cry too if it happened to you!

you know, seasonal affective disorder (SAD). aka winter depression or the winter blues… signified by a propensity to feel tired and eat starchy carbs or sweets. 

i am not one prone to stick a name on something and shrug off responsibility, like… i'm all SAD and hormonal. i may be a beeotch so steer clear… but i am SAD and i felt all hormoney and pretty much wanted everyone to back off yesterday. i sobbed. hellooooo, sobbed?? what in the heck do i have in my life that is so miserable that i need to sob forcryingoutloud??

not much, i tell ya.

true, there is a merger going on with our family business and the hubster moved his office home and our den is now a sea of boxes and office supplies and i don't see where any of that stuff is going to fit and we are both working from sun up (ha, as if there really is one) until midnight and i feel like all we talk about is the business and i'm feeling the walls of my empty nest choking me as i gasp for air wondering if this is my life now.

but i have a house that i'm not worried (yet, ha) that is close to foreclosure. i have food in my fridge and pantry and a treasure trove of things in our freezer. my kids are thriving and excelling in college and both are dating people who love Jesus (can i get a hallelujah??). no one in our family is fighting a catastrophic illness. our dogs (albeit kind of annoying at times) are healthy and wag and bark appropriately (although if you're my neighbor, they'd say the latter is excessive). our business, thanks to this merger, will continue rather than face bankrupcy. i don't live in haiti. i have clean water to drink any time i want it.

seriously, the list goes on and on…

so i can only think that the reason for this UMS (ugly mood swing) is SAD. i walked to the mailbox the other morning and saw some peeks of blue sky amongst the clouds and seriously got a little spring in my step! sun? today? areyoukiddingme?? but it was just a tease. we seem to be all about the gray skies and drizzle/rain these days.

oh well. it won't be long until spring is busting out all over. 

and a good, healthy winter really allows for spring to burst forth. 
and rather than wax on about all the great reasons for darkness, i'll just press on, in meredith grey style (all dark and twisty inside) and patiently wait for joy to return. because i'm a child of HIS, i know (as my mom used to say…) this too, shall pass.

plus… it's friday, and i have chocolate!


  1. There is a reason peaople who have SAD eat startch and chocolate- it helps them tsurvive the winter! ;) Striving to maintain is the key word- BALANCE is a part of life. The good and the bad. I myself am over V-day prep and ready to think and feel some SPRING love!!!!!

    That's why from the 7-14th I am not posting any new posts, I'm working on breathing some fresh air in our home and lives!!!

    And I'm plotting a HUGE SPRING FLING giveaway at one thing. :)

    Now go have apiece of chocolate and smile, just once , for me. :)

  2. Yeah for the kids dating people who love the Lord! My kids are 2 and 4 and I already started praying for girls they will date in the future! Hopefully all the years of begging God will pay off!

    "dark and twisty" = I LOVE this title! And, of course, the accompanying art!

  3. this winter has seemed considerably longer to me...and I'm sure where you are it's been worse!! at least you are trying to see the positive :)

  4. Ok, first I love Van Gogh and The Scream! Totally depicts my mood lately, too. I feel like I have SAD, too, and it's getting to me. Oh, and it's snowing today. I'm ready for spring.

    Hang in there. You are right to try and think of the positive things in your life, but I know that's hard and doesn't always make you feel tons better....

    But hey, IT'S FRIDAY!!!!

  5. I know the feeling. My first whole winter here was last year, and it was really rough. Our winters and grey and drizzly for 6 months, and at the height of winter, we get just under 8 hours of "daylight" (pseudo daylight, if you will, since we don't really see the sun). This year, I was better prepared and have done my best to keep the SAD away.

    I am so sorry that you've felt down lately, though. It stinks. It really really stinks. I hope you have a good way to get yourself out of those funks. Often, I will listen to music, which usually lifts my spirit. :)

  6. Great use of some wonderful paintings.
    I can tell you that the hormones have made me a b*t*h for years. My daughter wants to know where my happy went....
    It takes adjusting to a home office. We did that for years but it took awhile. I was so use to being alone all day :) You have so much to be thankful for, me too but I too am blue. Have a nice weekend.

  7. love the paintings, know the feelings. several people in this house need an extra dose of the "happy light" as we call it. hugs to you!

  8. we all have our hang in there!


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